Transition
It’s been awhile since I wrote.
2015 was mainly a year of self-discovery. Out of my 27 years, it had to be the most challenging year – emotionally. All in all, however, it was definitely necessary. I acknowledge everything that happened so that I may mature and grow into a stronger man. God disciplines us in ways that are so perfect. At the moment, it may seem like all hell is breaking loose. But after the storm calms and we are able to take a step back and see the greater scheme of things, it’s just so perfect.
It’s already coming end of April of 2016 and so much has happened.
I’m not going to lie. I’ve been struggling with tithing. Finance has always been a real struggle for me. It’s not that I don’t make money. It’s just because of the fact that I grew up without money, that it’s been such an ongoing burden, even if I do have money now. It wasn’t until late March, that I saw this as a huge issue. In every situation, God provided for me. But why then, every single time, did I still worry about finance to the point where I stopped giving to God what was His? I had to really reflect and pray about this certain struggle.
One of my biggest idol in my life is future family. People who grew up with a broken family either have two dreams – 1. Have an amazing future family or 2. Avoid having a family in the future because you don’t want the same thing to happen to you again and again. I chose number 1. I always fantasized about my future wife, kids, pets, house – you name it. I think for me, because I grew up without having a functional family, having a functional family in the future became an obsession. And without me knowing, that obsession became an idol. I started to set impossible financial goals for myself. I started to brainwash myself that I needed a partner that would do this and that. My expectations for everything was on this impossible limit that it screwed up not only my relationships, but my career goals and spiritual lifestyle. It wasn’t until July 2015 that I realized that I had a serious, serious problem.
Well, long story short – that’s where my struggle with finance roots from. Because for me, having a great family in the future meant that I was going to be the provider. I was going to make tons of money so that my family can be happy and comfortable. You get the point.
So fast forward to late March 2016. I had to really give to God my finance. It was actually quite simple. I just kept repeating “God, I give You my finance. I give You my career. and most of all, I give You my future family. Amen.” and sooner or later, I actually started to trust God and that was that. I immediately started to tithe again and instead of feeling burdened, it felt good.
I’ve been interviewing with many companies because I’ve been having a hard time with people and my duties at my current job. While I was interviewing, one of the things I prayed most for was that the timing would be perfect for me to transition from Booz Allen Hamilton (current) to wherever God leads me to. I’ll keep it short. I started interviewing with a company called Rapid7 two weeks ago. Basically, everything went smoothly and the more I interviewed with them, the more I wanted to work at Rapid7. Long story short, I got an offer letter from them last Friday. However, what was more surprising for me was the fact that the timing couldn’t be any more perfect. I had a trip planned to Japan and Korea the following week on Wednesday for 3 weeks. Rapid7 wanted me to start after I return from Korea and I was also able to comfortably give my resignation to Booz Allen before I left to Japan. I even had enough time to train the people that will take over my project and make the transition easier for them. Basically what I’m trying to say is that the timing was so perfect and God really answered my prayer. Not just with an amazing, new career opportunity, but also all the needy-greedy details that I was hoping for.
So what am I trying to say? It’s when we truly surrender, He provides. When we know we are nothing without Him, He provides. This has been such an encouraging experience for me. It’s been a great reminder that God is faithful and good. I still have so much to fix in terms of insecurities and expectations. I have so much healing to go through as well. But I’m taking it step by step. God has His plans for me and it’s so good to know that things are finally brightening up for me.
Well, on that note – I am currently in Korea on a layover to Japan. I’m planning to blog about my trip to Japan and Korea so feel free to check it out. There should be an equal sign with 3 lines on the top right of this page. Just click it and you’ll be able to navigate.